How It Feels to Work With 30% of My Brain Capacity?

Siapa juga yang pengen sakit, nggak fit, nggak ada yang mau kali ya?

At the moment, I’m 33 weeks into the pregnancy. Every pregnancy always feels like its a first time pregnancy, it’s never been the same and for sure it has its own groove, yeah! This time is my first pregnancy and get sick 2 times already. The first one, I’ve got my tonsilitis infection back for a week while fasting in Ramadan, and the second one was starting around 11 days ago, right before Eid holiday. This time, I’ve got cold and cough but not a nice one!. One that makes me feels like either being lethargic, can’t focus. I do read in some books (always in investigation mode), that pregnant women are prone to get sick, due to her hormonal imbalance as well changing body. May Allah forgive me trough my struggle with this one.

But Alhamdulillah I read that this cold will inshaAllah not affected my little one in the womb. That is the only thing I concern about at the moment. Enough already with world with poison substance from the radiation around the living space, to the wall paint in our house, plastic leaking dangerous fumes from non bpa ones, not to mention impurity from our ground water, to the pesticides in my food (We still can’t have 100% organic, that is for sure). But living is living. Who can stop to have a perfect ideal life? We’re trying, but I’m not there yet to live as much freedom as I want to. I’m not in our Farm in the mountain. I’m still here, dealing with GMS to share my day with our beloved customers so they can also have a little less of toxic life trough the use of our product as well learning together.

So how do I feel when I have to carry my role daily with this unfit body at the moment?

I feel like operating my body (not so much of a problem other than feel a bit lazy but most likely, I need to blame my brain for that laziness feeling and that is to blame the illness of course) with only 30% of my brain capacity.
my messy table


My Supper Messy Table at the moment!

I’m even too lazy to get things sorted out!




How does it feels like?
*first of all, I feel I’m extremely lazy (translated into, I need to have a break, I need to rest).
*I’m not tired but I can’t do what I need to do because the lazziness feeling (imagine to have a body that is not tired but you just can’t do things and you can’t even sleep because you are not tired).
*I can’t focus with the work that needs thinking skills like reading with critical thinking and even my auto pilot mode to do my daily chores, feels disrupted. How? Just as simple as after work in the afternoon, when I normally will clean up upstairs, then later after pray with read books for girls, I will choose to read on my ipad, about stuff that is not so important, like how to make a healthy doughnut! That happened last nite, how on earth I will be interested in that?? when I never like eating one?? Or maybe that is just something at the back of my head? spinning around and the doughnut is waiting for its moment to appear for me to be interested to make one?
*Looking at the clothes piles, feels like, yeah, I need to fold them, but I don’t!
*My sense of cleanliness and to keep things organized is like being blown by the tornado! it’s just magically moved somewhere in a blink of an eye, lol! We’ll I manage to look after my girls, cook healthy soup for us to get better, but don’t asked about my fridge, it’s very disorganized at the moment. As well Anny’s shelf work and her lessons including the girls lesson, all being abandoned. Not to mention I didn’t wash the floor or bathroom upstairs.
* I don’t even touch my daily organizer! wohoo that is so scary.. I leave days without being in control of things around me when I’m the most responsible person regarding the business and taking care of our little ones here in Malang as well making sure supply for EF is in check.

The good side of it?
I’m operating in slow motion, making me noticed things that probably I would not notice if I’m well.
I’m more grateful with health and taking more seriously about staying healthy, not just healthy but a quest into a more vibrant health! (you probably will say, isn’t that what you’ve been doing?). Apparently I’m not doing enough (we’re not talking about destiny, if Allah’s will, then I will get sick anyway), that is completely different subject. I’m talking about being more serious in keeping our health in check as well things around us that can affect our health, namely our environment.

walking in the forest

Here I managed to say yes to honey’s offer to go for a walk in the forest close to our land in the mountain while I was having Eid holiday, so I can get a little better and exercise a bit and get fresh air.








Enough Whining already!
Almost time for the workers to head back home and I need to clean up and relax with the girls for the rest of the day.

From a Really Messy Table


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